Ferris Anon

Tell-all interview of final-year students

by Published: Nov 6, 2013

To cel­e­brate my own final year here at Ferris State, I’ve decided to inter­view fel­low seniors about their times here at Big Rapids. Under the cover of anonymity, I asked ques­tions about people’s time here and all  they’ve experienced.

Torch: Before I start ask­ing, let’s pref­ace this with how many years you were in Honors?

Anon: I was in Honors for two years and have held a 3.42 GPA in a real sci­ence major.

Torch: So, let’s start out with how many peo­ple have you had sex with dur­ing your time here at Ferris?
Anon: Well, eleven in total, but six were all in one semester.

Torch: So between all those, where was the weird­est place you’ve had sex?

Anon: In my dorm room, but my win­dow blinds were open and the lights were on in my room. Basically, at least two peo­ple in FLITE were busy study­ing and observ­ing while I was busy not studying…

Torch: Shortest time from meet­ing a girl to hav­ing sex?

Anon: Five hours, but on two dif­fer­ent occasions.

Torch: Worst thing you did at a party?

Anon: Pissed all over a bath­room at a party. All over their bath­room read­ers, mag­a­zines, floor, tow­els, etc.

Torch: Worst place you’ve puked on campus?

Anon: Sprinting out of a class on a Friday morn­ing after I should have stayed home. Oh, and at the Rock. Luckily, it started mak­ing it’s way up as soon as I opened the door to the bathroom.

Torch: Best place to shot­gun a beer?

Anon: My friends and I some­times go out on a Tour de Shotgun. Basically, going around dif­fer­ent loca­tions in Big Rapids and as it sounds, shot­gun­ning some beers. Locations included Woodbridge’s statue on the Quad, in front of Woodbridge’s tomb, the pedes­trian bridge over State Street by Dairy Queen, under the water tower by the Williams Auditorium, the half roof over the Optometry Building, prac­tice field tower and a cou­ple other places.

Torch: Wildest night at Ferris?

Anon: Starting out by going to BWW for Fight Night, as tra­di­tion. Then, we headed to a CEOs and Corporate Hoes keg­ger. As we arrived, they started doing jell-o wrestling and the first bout of the night was a pair of twins; one of them was fea­tured pre­vi­ously in the open blinds to FLITE answer. From there, it turned into an all-out brawl in the jell-o, turn­ing into the most stereo­typ­i­cal party some­one could pitch. Even though it was one of those “you had to be there” sto­ries, that’s the wildest story that I could recall for myself.

  • lib­er­al­babe

    I love this inter­view. It sup­ports sex­u­al­ity and the play­ful­ness of an impor­tant time in life. Prudishness is so unbecoming.