So long, and thanks for all the fish

Don’t panic and always know where your towel is

“The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” tells us that man assumes he is the most intelligent being on the planet because he has built and achieved so much, whilst dolphins did little more than frolic in the oceans enjoying life.

Dolphins, however, tend to think the exact opposite of humans for the same reasons.

Much like the dolphins in “The Guide,” I will be leaving Ferris and all of you fine students and faculty members behind. This will be my last opinion column in the Ferris State Torch.

I have learned a lot here and hopefully the readers have too. Whether or not you’ve enjoyed my writing or if you are jumping for joy at the fact that I will no longer be here, I thank you for reading.

My mantra is “If you don’t like something, change it.” I take that same attitude in my school work and my profession.

Often more than not, we sit behind our computers clicking away at a little thumbs up symbol when we approve of an idiom or trope that amuses us and then callously issue retorts to things we disagree with, all in front of the mask of social media and blatant anonymity.

I’ve been guilty of it too. You want to help, but you’re really just too lazy or legitimately don’t have the resources or time to commit fully to a cause. It’s easier on your conscious to not fully commit to something and stand in the background grumbling about your underwear riding up your crack, and there’s no one’s hand to pick it out for you.

Don’t panic. You’re going to have to pick your own wedgies in life, and it is not going to be pleaseant. If you don’t like something riding up your crack, reach back there and pluck it out. Change your circumstances and the problems in the world around you by taking action and fixing them. Don’t expect anyone else to do it for you.

I accomplish this through my writing. I’ve had the wonderful opportunity to bring forward some of the idiosyncrasies of this crazy little planet and bring them into a public forum. For me, writing has always been a freedom of expression used to motivate and educate others. It’s how I change things around me.

When I decided to leave Ferris, I had to write and apply to other universities and be accepted. When I was accepted, I had to write to the administrators and department heads to narrow down my choices. I had to write job applications and cover letters, and I’ve had to write my signature on numerous contracts to make my life what it is and what it will be.

The stroke of a pen can change your entire life if you’re not careful. My writings since the beginning have been subject to criticism and sometimes out-right anger and hate, but as Douglas Adams says “All opinions are not equal. Some are a very great deal more robust, sophisticated and well supported in logic and argument than others.”

Writing is as versatile as a towel and just as important. It can and will change the world around you and has a host of various uses both for good and bad.

Don’t be afraid to pick fights with the wedgies you have in life. They will never go away if they are left alone and will only bury deeper into you. Be brave. Be honest with yourself and others. Do not get angry; get motived. And above all, don’t panic.