Mawwiage. Mawwiage Is Wot Bwings Us Togedew Today

And wove, twue wove, wiww fowwow you fowevah and evah…So tweasuwe youw wuv

by Published: Oct 3, 2012

Marriage has lost its meaning.

I recently saw an e-card on Pinterest (laugh if you want, but you know you do it too) of an old cou­ple walk­ing hand in hand. The cap­tion spoke vol­umes to me:

“How did we man­age to stay together for 65 years? We were born in a time when if some­thing was bro­ken we would fix it, not throw it away.”

I couldn’t agree more.

The first rea­son mar­riage has gone down the toi­let is cou­ples rush into it. You meet your soul-mate. You fall head over heels in infat­u­a­tion and decide “Hey, why not get hitched?” You know what it is to be in love, but not what it is to truly love.

So you tie the knot, and every­thing is peachy for maybe a cou­ple of years or so. But soon, the rose col­ored glasses come off and you will begin to see that your oh-so-perfect love has some things about him or her that aren’t so per­fect. The things that were once cute now annoy you. Instead of pas­sively deny­ing your feel­ings for the sake of the other, you’re ready to share them, and boldly too.

All of the sud­den, you panic. You think this per­son isn’t for you any­more because you fight all the time. Chances are they might not be, and you could have found that out by slow­ing down and dat­ing them for longer to fig­ure out how you will work through argu­ments and if the pos­i­tives of the per­son out­weigh the frus­tra­tions in your eyes.

But you made a com­mit­ment. A life­long com­mit­ment through sick­ness and health. Still, you think about walk­ing. Which is where the true prob­lem with mar­riage and divorce arises as inspired by that adorable lit­tle Pinterest e-card.

People think a divorce is war­ranted if they no longer “feel” they love a per­son all the time. Marriage is no longer a vow made before God, your loved ones and your spouse. It’s no more than just another fling too many. It has lost its sanc­tity in much of our cul­ture. So when peo­ple start fig­ur­ing out that to truly love is to give of one­self, they hit the road. But so much more sat­is­fac­tion, whole­ness and pur­pose can come with self­less­ness and sac­ri­fice, mov­ing beyond the addic­tion of receiv­ing and feel­ing love and mov­ing toward the art of lay­ing down one’s life for another.

Marriage isn’t get­ting and tak­ing and feel­ing good all the time. It’s grow­ing and stand­ing by some­one that despite the things that drive you crazy, you know there is beauty in that soul you promised your­self to.

By this point, many of you who dis­agree with my sen­ti­ments are prob­a­bly think­ing, “What say does this girl have?” Well, quite frankly, com­pared to wis­dom of those who have been long mar­ried or divorced, very lit­tle. I’ve been with my first and only love for almost five years now, and I’m happy to say I’m still head over heels for him.

But it doesn’t mean we haven’t seen the pro­gres­sion of puppy dog love to some­thing more test­ing but true. We’re engaged to be mar­ried this August. We’ve gone through a lot of life together, and I know we are bound to go through a lot more and things that will surely chal­lenge us.

We both have a ton to learn, but the one thing we are very aware of is mar­riage will not always be easy. It’s not sup­posed to be. But we value its sanc­tity and know our lives are more mean­ing­ful with the other that it is a bond worth mak­ing and worth keep­ing sacred.

There are some instances in which divorce is obvi­ously war­ranted. Abuse is cer­tainly one, and adul­tery as well. But in the case of adul­tery, I am still hum­bled and inspired by those part­ners who’ve been the vic­tims of indis­cre­tion and even still said, “ I will stand by you” if the unfaith­ful part­ner returns and repents. I think no greater tes­ti­mony to mar­riage remains.

So before you decide to tie the knot, slow down. College can trick you into think­ing it’s the only time you will ever have to meet your future spouse. But most impor­tantly, whether you find you take a month or a decade to get hitched, don’t mock mar­riage by break­ing its promises.

The one you choose might not be per­fect, but nei­ther are you. If you are seri­ous enough to say I do, it means I do. Not “I do…when I feel like it.”

  • PastorGregory

    I received a copy of the Torch when it was handed to me dur­ing the elec­tion cam­paign. So your arti­cle is not why I got it . But I was very glad to find this sage advice offered up to the stu­dents at the col­lege. As a pas­tor in Cadillac, I know that this is exactly what the young peo­ple need to think about. I am delighted to find that some do, and at least one, such as your­self, has a venue in which to dis­patch it widely and effec­tively. Congratulations and thank you! May you find wed­ded life bliss­ful as well as matur­ing. In my cir­cles, we say, God did not design mar­riage just to make peo­ple happy, but pri­mar­ily to make them holy, by giv­ing them a lab­o­ra­tory of expe­ri­ence in which we learn how to live and love sac­ri­fi­cially for the sake of another.