The rela­tion­ship caste sys­tem, com­monly known as dat­ing “out of one’s league”, is a sys­tem that most try in vain not to believe in; how­ever, it is still widely practiced.

My pre­vi­ous arti­cle, Sex and the City gives bad rela­tion­ship advice, briefly men­tions dat­ing out of caste.

Sex and the City char­ac­ter Miranda Hobbs, a Harvard edu­cated New York City lawyer, falls in love, has a baby with and mar­ries bar­tender turned bar owner, Steve Brady. This made-for-TV fairy tale was not so cut and dry though. Hobbs and Brady’s rela­tion­ship had sev­eral road blocks:

Steve made less money than Miranda, but Steve did not go to college.

As a result, Miranda was embar­rassed by Steve’s lack of income.

Steve did not feel com­fort­able with Miranda pay­ing for things and as a result, the two were incom­pat­i­ble on an intel­lec­tual, social and finan­cial level.

Steve later cheats on Miranda because their sex life hits a dry spell, but she takes him back because of the love between them. Bologna! This one night stand, turned whirl­wind romance was only made pos­si­ble after the show’s cre­ators put Steve on Miranda’s level by mak­ing him a busi­ness owner, not just a bar­tender. The rela­tion­ship would never have gone any­where had the two remained miss-matched because it is not real­is­tic that these two would ever be together in the first place.

The caste is shal­low, but it is com­pletely true. It is said that oppo­sites attract; how­ever, it is rare that they stay together. Now, I am not say­ing that peo­ple need to be iden­ti­cal twins for a rela­tion­ship to work. There are some intrin­sic val­ues and back­grounds that can­not be avoided in order for a rela­tion­ship to pros­per, though. A drug-addict could not date an avid Christian no more than a mon­key could court a zebra.

Money, edu­ca­tion, reli­gious belief and of course phys­i­cal beauty are just some things peo­ple tend to link up when they seek a long term part­ner. If those items do not match up or add up to their own, then the rela­tion­ship is halted and reduced to a pla­tonic level or no-strings attached sex.

Physical beauty has a loop hole when there is money involved. Yucky dorks like Bill Gates have a slightly higher chance of bag­ging a Victoria’s Secret model because, well, they are flip­ping loaded! After all, money makes the world go round and appar­ently allows men to keep beau­ti­ful women in tow.

Women are more likely to believe in the caste than men. Most women, espe­cially pro­fes­sion­als, will not date a man if he does not meet the caste sys­tem cri­te­ria. However, most men do not view dat­ing in the same light.

My boyfriend scoffed at the idea that I would believe in a heart­less thing such as a caste sys­tem, but I do. Some men are start­ing to jump on the band­wagon. A male friend of mine said he would not seri­ously date a girl if she did not go to col­lege, since he is a col­lege grad with a nice job. He said a girl with­out an edu­ca­tion could only offer him sex, not be the mother of his chil­dren or his equal.

This sounds harsh but it is impor­tant to select a part­ner that meets your needs. The con­flict­ing views of the sexes are largely based on biol­ogy. Men tend to look for part­ners who are phys­i­cally attrac­tive, nur­tur­ing and can bear chil­dren. Women, on the other hand, tend to look for part­ners that are strong and can support/ assist in sup­port­ing them and children.

It is sad to say that love is not enough, there must be other things work­ing for a cou­ple for a rela­tion­ship to work. If love were enough, the divorce rate would not be sky high! Similarities or at least an under­stand­ing of dif­fer­ences help a rela­tion­ship work. Some oppo­sites might fall in love and live hap­pily ever after; how­ever, those peo­ple are the excep­tion and not the rule.